You know, in retrospect, having gay marriage as a debate topic when I was the only openly gay kid in class was SUPER WEIRD. Imagine if you walked into AP Gov and your teacher pointed at you like, “I don’t think Brian should have health insurance because he sucks. Discuss?”
I can’t even fathom what I would do if I had to write an essay about how I should be able to take a piss in peace.
“The psychoanalytic use of the term schizoid derives from the observations of “schisms” between the internal life and the externally observable life of the schizoid individual (cf. Laing, 1965). For example, schizoid people are overtly detached, yet they describe in therapy a deep longing for closeness and compelling fantasies of intimate involvement. They appear self-sufficient, and yet anyone who gets to know them well can attest to the depth of their emotional need. They can be absent-minded at the same time that they are acutely vigilant. They may seem completely nonreactive, yet suffer an exquisite level of sensitivity. They may look affectively blunted while internally coping with what one of my schizoid friends calls “protoaffect,” the experience of being frighteningly overpowered by intense emotion. They may seem utterly indifferent to sex while nourishing a sexually preoccupied, polymorphously elaborated fantasy life. They may strike others as unusually gentle souls, but an intimate may learn that they nourish elaborate fantasies of world destruction.”
a mess
this is THE BEST explanation of this aspect of mental illness i have ever seen
no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.
And it’s also terrifying! Like it’s the kind of vulnerability you can’t do while being all cool and in control of things, you have to like open up the really awkward, ugly inner part of yourself and hope that the other person is still into you.
Like you have to actually say - with words coming out of your mouth or hands or whatever way you use to directly communicate in person - what you would like from the other person! You have to say stuff like “hey the thing you did made me feel some ways and we have to address this like adults” and hope that the other person says “I see, yes I also think we should address this like adults” (instead of “no I didn’t” or “you’re overreacting” or other shut-down-ing shit that ruins lives).
Worth the read my oh my
“Nonschizoid people […] often conclude that because schizoid individuals resolve their closeness/distance conflicts in the direction of distance and seem to thrive on being alone, they are not particularly attached and therefore are not reactive to separation. Yet, internally, schizoid people may have powerful attachments. In fact, those that they have may be more intensely invested with emotion than are the attachments of people with much more obviously ‘anaclitic’ psychologies. Because schizoid individuals tend to feel safe with comparatively few others, any threat to or loss of their connection with the people with whom they do feel comfortable can be devastating.”
— Nancy McWilliams
Asked my mom for a binder for Christmas
No, mom, that’s not….
